Mental health is a fickle bitch. I’m on top of this though. I’m going to let it do its thing. I’m not going to hold back and I’m not going to judge myself.
A 327 day journey ended in 49 seconds. I could see his face in my daydreams. Chubby cheeks and jet black hair. I imagined his weight, I could feel him. Nursing him. His smell. Bathing him. He existed. In our hearts and in a Petri dish. Two of them. Boys.
I started in 1999. I was not born to college graduates. I didn’t have anyone to help me figure things out. I tried and failed. Moved out of state. Tried again. And failed again. Moved home. Tried again. I received an Associate’s degree. Online. It was mailed to me. I finished one month before my oldest was born. She will be turning 10 this year.
I took myself to breakfast. I happened upon the idea while in the shower this morning. There is this great little local eatery around the corner. I love their sausage gravy. It has heat, the kind that makes you feel alive. Like you are truly eating. I filet the warm biscuits, carefully place my scrambled egg upon it, and smother it with sausage gravy. It’s delicious. Apparently I was hungry.
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Hello! I’m Sommer. I like to write things. Drink coffee. Ponder. Write more things. I am a practitioner of mindfulness. And I write about it. I am a mother. And I write about that too. I was also d…
“Stop whatcha doin’, cause I’m about to ruin the image and the style that ya used to...”
Just kidding. But seriously, every time I think “stop whatcha doin” I seem to channel Digital Underground. Matter of fact, there are an unreasonable amount of words that trigger my brain to trail off into a lyrical departure from reality. I like that part of me.
You know what else I like? My ability to redirect. Not redirect in the way we do to avoid tough conversations, or guilt, or grief. But the redirect that gets your mind back into the moment. Step it away from the cliff overlooking that deep dark vast landscape that is our past. I am mostly successful. But only because of practice.
I made our wedding album today. My goal was to make it before our August Anniversary. Our 3rd Anniversary. I uploaded over 900 photos. Which, in itself, was an exercise of patience. It took nearly an entire day.
This morning I decided to just start it, make a few pages. A few pages turned into 34 pages. I was feeling creative, feeling joy reliving the memories. As I finished chunks I would want to share my excitement, I’d call over my husband and kids to look at my progress. Then I finished! I was literally doing a jig around the living and dining room.
Of undisputed origin; genuine.
Live an authentic life.
What a year! This blog has been profound. Nothing can make a person accept themselves like full exposure. Nakedness. I didn’t know it at the time but writing about my mental health provided a clarity and closure I never thought I could find. A growth unforeseen when I set out on that journey. Continue reading “bye 2016, HELLO 2017”