Why not start running?

I’m 37. I started running. In May.

Why?

Because I needed to do something. I know my mental health intimately. We are super bestie good friends. At the end of April I started thinking about June. Why June? Because that would have been our first due date. If you’re new here, you can check out our IVF Story. Continue reading “Why not start running?”

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The Lies a Mind Tells

I am so scared of another Great Depression. The kind that happens inside my head. I am hyper vigilant about my level of activity versus “sitting around”. I think that if I feel like sitting around and give into it then one day will turn into two will turn into weeks…. This is a huge problem. For many reasons. 

Rest is so important when it comes to self-care. I know this. I should welcome rest. Continue reading “The Lies a Mind Tells”

By ‘kids’ I mean actual human KIDS.

The hardest part of parenting is…….Other Parents! Yeah – I said it.

I’m not saying I am better at it. I think I’m mediocre or maybe a pinch higher than that. I keep them clean, fed, educated, teach them life skills and all that jazz. I think we first notice a shift when they become exposed to other children. As a working mom, my kids were almost always in daycare. So I noticed it early. But it really kicks in when they start school.  Continue reading “By ‘kids’ I mean actual human KIDS.”

Seven Years Gone

Seven years. Long time. But not. It’s been seven years since my dad died. I won’t run through the details. But they are here if you’re interested or curious.

I look back over the year and see all that he missed. The big things. Graduating college and IVF. The little things. Like over 365 cups of coffee not shared. Continue reading “Seven Years Gone”

too little time with a little bit of hope

Meandering around. Doing chores. Listening to Pandora. The Dead Sea by The Lumineers comes on.

Yes, there are times we live for somebody else
Your father died and you decided to live
It for yourself you felt, you just felt it was time
And I’m glad, cause you with cats, that’s just not right

I go from singing to crying. Just like that. Grief. It’s such a ride.

Early this morning I stood in front of the sink drinking my coffee. Looking at my dad’s jar on the window sill. It’s a beautiful old mason jar. Blue glass. His favorite. Inside are some of his ashes. I put him on the sill when we moved here two and a half years ago. It’s the best view. You can see the tress. He loved trees. Continue reading “too little time with a little bit of hope”

we all need a break

I’m well. I’m better. I have not been inclined to write. For whatever reason. I have yet to analyze that. I’m sure I will later. Don’t you worry about that.

Strangest thing though. I was ready to call The Doc. The gloominess was lasting way longer than I was comfortable with. I gave myself a hall pass to cry ugly tears whenever I felt the need. I spoke about my sadness. Admitted it. Easily. But still. It was lingering. I was dragging ass. Not wanting to take on the day. Sleeping a lot. You know, the usual.

Continue reading “we all need a break”

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