I made a bad choice. I skipped my pap for a couple….. scratch that, a few+ years. Terrible idea. I won’t justify my irresponsibly. BUT I will say this…it was during this time that I was severely depressed and began therapy which was two or more times a week. I was already overwhelmed with fitting in those appointments between work and family… and making ANOTHER appointment seemed exhausting and out of the question.
Again. I made a bad choice.
So, this past November I was all like Get your shit together, Sommer! so I called and got an appointment in early December.
That pap came back abnormal. Dammit.
Then I had an ultrasound. Ehh.
Then I had a colposcopy. Ouch AND dammit.
Then I had a LEEP. Son of bitch, put my ass to sleep for that!
And, that… came back as precancerous. BUT all gone. Totally removed.
Back in 6 months for another pap.
Cause and Effect. Like ripples in a pond. Skip ONE appointment because you can’t make “time” and end up with FIVE appointments and pap every 6 months for a couple years.
Talk about taking up time.
YOU just have to make time for YOU. For all of you; your body and your mind.
Had I waited much longer things would have been worse.
Again, Again. I made a bad choice. Lesson learned.
I loathed all of these appointments and all appointments like these. I dislike providing pregnancy information or confirming pregnancy information EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Doesn’t feel good.
I go through a predictable progression of emotions. First, I’m emotionless and annoyed. Then I’m super sad. And then my mind is off to the races busily calculating ages, grade levels and imagining faces. A world of “what if’s”.
“Five pregnancies and 2 living children, correct?”
I hate the “living” part. I hate being reminded of the 3 that are not.