the torment of anxiety

Anxiety, for me, kicks in high gear right as I lay down in bed. It’s a nightly occurrence. Severity ranges and rarely is it absent. I hate it.

I am trying to be friends with it. Accept it. Acknowledge it.

But it’s hard.

I do my best to refocus. But it’s hard to sidestep when I can feel my heart racing. A racing heart invites adrenaline. Adrenaline is not what a tired body needs.

The conflict between the two is aggravating and staying calm becomes a challenge. My mind panics and calculates all of the unfinished business of the day.

Stupid things. Big things. Then it moves into things that may never happen. Things that will never happen. And if I don’t stop it, it starts to move backward. Things I’ve done. Things I’ve said. Things I’ve endured. Things I’ve regretted.

A tornadic swirl consumes thoughts and my accelerated heart rate begins to pound. Heavy hard beats inside my chest and static inside my head.

And it can make me sick. Physically ill. Nauseous. I try to cut it off at the knees.

And sometimes it works. And sometimes it doesn’t.

An unhealthy brain will tell a thousand lies. An anxiety attack is depleting. The energy it burns is vexing. This is the part of anxiety I have to tolerate. The part I don’t like. Not that I like any of it. But I think having it can have some benefits. It pushes me to do better. Be better. In all things.

Even though I am enough as I am.



3 thoughts on “the torment of anxiety

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  1. I was moved to share with you, so I had started to write a response… then it became too lengthy to fit into a comment box, so I copied it to a post I wrote: More Than Milk and Honey for Anxiety, at

    I hope there’s one or two points which may help?

    Here’s how it starts… I gave a link back to your post too:

    “This post started out as a response to a post I read, and then grew and grew until I gave it space to expand! It was the article The Torment of Anxiety which triggered my words here.

    Ah, yes! Anxiety! Sneaking into my mind and creating havoc as I try to fall asleep! I can relate! Anxiety is the toughie interrupter of sleep! It starts well before bedtime I’m sure you know… Rather the roots occur before going to bed! So, the solution lies before bedtime too!

    When I’ve had a disagreement during the day, which I haven’t resolved for one reason or another, it loves to get thought over while I’m trying to fall asleep. Oh, there’s other reasons for this to happen too; things which love to grab my attention, things which I’ve been too busy during the day to focus on, all love to talk to me and get my attention!

    Over the years I’ve taken a lot of time to look at why this occurs and to deal with it so my sleep is more restful, and I’ve come up a few solutions which I use so regularly now that I scarcely think about them now!

    With a busy hectic life we end up collapsing into bed exhausted, with no time to think about ourselves… Then those nighttime demons come, insisting on having chats in our heads, keeping us up for hours!

    So what’s a person to do about it?”


    Liked by 1 person

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