unnecessary anxiety and the solution

I have anxiety. I believe we have established that. I’m not cool with it by any means but I am learning to let it be and acknowledge it. Pretending it isn’t there is toxic. Ignoring the racing thoughts and the heaviness is my chest is unhealthy and prolongs the episode. There are categories to my anxiety; legitimate panic because of shitty life things, unknown panic that comes out of nowhere, panic induced by false thoughts and then unnecessary panic that can be solved by completing a task weighing on my mind.

My house was causing me unnecessary anxiety. Unnecessary panic. As we approach the end of summer with sports starting up and back to school for the kids and myself I had to find a solution.

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A bike. A smile. And some happiness.

I bought a bike. With a basket. It’s periwinkle with muted lime rims. She is an old timey easy rider. Wide set handle bars. A white spring seat. Whitewall tires underneath glossy white fenders.

I’ve been wanting a bike for a few years now but I kept finding an excuse not to follow through. My daughter has a bike and I taught her how to ride it. My son has one and has been struggling without the training wheels. I didn’t put the pressure on because of his condition. I figured he would get it eventually. My husband has a bike that I’ve never seen him ride. Now that you know our bike inventory you are probably wondering where I am going with this. Honestly, I have no idea. This is how writing works with me. Enjoying the ride?

Continue reading “A bike. A smile. And some happiness.”

When you don’t make time for hobbies

I love to sew. I love that I can take nothing and turn it in to something. It’s not the kind of hobby that produces results immediately. Most projects take time. Especially if a new skill is being exercised. I also don’t have a dedicated sewing space. I’m less inclined to pull everything out just to put it all away an hour later.

I also have another hobby; clothes. It would be great if I could just combine the two. But clothes take time and I still have not figured out how to attach sleeves.

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how to stop negative thinking

Negative self-talk. It’s a killer. I know I’ve been struggling lately. It happens when I put my focus on what I’m NOT doing or achieving. The change in diet has been emotional. And I am feeling like I’m constantly failing. That’s because I’m not attaining perfect execution day in and day out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach perfection in my endeavors. And I always fall short. And I’m always hard on myself. But I am working on it.
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Sixty Seconds Worth of Distance Run

Have you ever read the poem IF by Kipling? You should. It is powerful. My brother shared it with me during a difficult time many years ago and I have read it countless times. A copy hangs on my fridge and at my desk at work. It’s malleable; applying to a myriad of challenges. It is motivational. And positive.

If you can fill the unforgiving minute,  With sixty seconds worth of distance run. 

That is how I’ve felt as of late. I’ve been filling a lot of unforgiving minutes. I’ve not made time to write because life seems busier for some reason. And I’m making a lot of adjustments. My routine is being redesigned and I’ve not found the space where writing fits in.

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what is happening inside Sommer?

Fun fact.

“The majority of the body’s serotonin, between 80-90%, can be found in the gastrointestinal tract. It is thought that serotonin can affect mood and social behavior, appetite and digestion, sleep, memory and sexual desire and function.”

How is your digestion? Mine is awful. In fact, I have had IBS for 20 years. When I learned this fun fact in recent weeks I was both happy and pissed. I was happy because of hope. I was pissed that I wasn’t gifted this information earlier in life. My serotonin doesn’t have a chance. Making it quite the challenge to maintain happiness. Joy going right down the shitter.

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remove “should” from your vocabulary

I do love the feeling of accomplishment after procrastination. I do produce good work at the last minute. Go me. But I suffer when I procrastinate in other areas of my life. Like, putting off going to the doctor. Or putting off self-care. Or putting off relationships and connections.

“I should meditate”

“I should call and make the appointment”

“I should go for a walk”

“I should reach out to so-and-so”

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