Why not start running?

I’m 37. I started running. In May.

Why?

Because I needed to do something. I know my mental health intimately. We are super bestie good friends. At the end of April I started thinking about June. Why June? Because that would have been our first due date. If you’re new here, you can check out our IVF Story. Continue reading “Why not start running?”

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The Lies a Mind Tells

I am so scared of another Great Depression. The kind that happens inside my head. I am hyper vigilant about my level of activity versus “sitting around”. I think that if I feel like sitting around and give into it then one day will turn into two will turn into weeks…. This is a huge problem. For many reasons. 

Rest is so important when it comes to self-care. I know this. I should welcome rest. Continue reading “The Lies a Mind Tells”

Seven Years Gone

Seven years. Long time. But not. It’s been seven years since my dad died. I won’t run through the details. But they are here if you’re interested or curious.

I look back over the year and see all that he missed. The big things. Graduating college and IVF. The little things. Like over 365 cups of coffee not shared. Continue reading “Seven Years Gone”

we all need a break

I’m well. I’m better. I have not been inclined to write. For whatever reason. I have yet to analyze that. I’m sure I will later. Don’t you worry about that.

Strangest thing though. I was ready to call The Doc. The gloominess was lasting way longer than I was comfortable with. I gave myself a hall pass to cry ugly tears whenever I felt the need. I spoke about my sadness. Admitted it. Easily. But still. It was lingering. I was dragging ass. Not wanting to take on the day. Sleeping a lot. You know, the usual.

Continue reading “we all need a break”

She who eats alone is a badass.

I took myself to breakfast. I happened upon the idea while in the shower this morning. There is this great little local eatery around the corner. I love their sausage gravy. It has heat, the kind that makes you feel alive. Like you are truly eating. I filet the warm biscuits, carefully place my scrambled egg upon it, and smother it with sausage gravy. It’s delicious. Apparently I was hungry.

Continue reading “She who eats alone is a badass.”

bees

There is a swarm of bees in there! Don’t open the door! If one gets out, you will be chasing it for days!

My past is a swarm of bees. Every single bad decision I have ever made. Every bad thing that has happened to me. Every single thing I wish I would have done differently. The swarm is buzzing full speed. Circling the space, looking for an exit. Waiting and waiting, buzzing and buzzing. Just building energy waiting to unleash. One slip up, one bad day, one bad moment and the next thing you know I keep opening the damn door. And an angry bee or two dashes out. Then I am chasing it, analyzing it, wondering where it’s going next and how do I get it back in that damn room? How can I get it back in there without opening the door? If I open it, I risk more bees slipping out. So I chase it. Should I just kill the bee? But I can’t kill it. I need it.

Continue reading “bees”

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