Seven Years Gone

Seven years. Long time. But not. It’s been seven years since my dad died. I won’t run through the details. But they are here if you’re interested or curious.

I look back over the year and see all that he missed. The big things. Graduating college and IVF. The little things. Like over 365 cups of coffee not shared. Continue reading “Seven Years Gone”

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the apex of anxiety

My anxiety grew into a behemoth. Rendering me silent. Swelling like a tidal wave. Dropping off. Then swelling again. It’s electric. Intense alertness. I can feel it. In my chest, in my body. I’ve never been able to describe it well, it’s like a fuzzy feeling. It’s adrenaline. Misused adrenaline. Spent energy. Wasted energy. Then exhaustion. My body just shuts down.

Rest.

Recovery.

Repeat.

Continue reading “the apex of anxiety”

perspective

It is all about perspective.

How are you looking at the world and do you think it owes you something? It doesn’t. The only person to bring you peace is yourself. And how you look at the world determines how much peace you will have. Do you have to do things or do you get to do things.

I try to remind myself that I get to do things. Getting to do things gives me a different perspective. Alleviates some anxieties.

Continue reading “perspective”

When you don’t make time for hobbies

I love to sew. I love that I can take nothing and turn it in to something. It’s not the kind of hobby that produces results immediately. Most projects take time. Especially if a new skill is being exercised. I also don’t have a dedicated sewing space. I’m less inclined to pull everything out just to put it all away an hour later.

I also have another hobby; clothes. It would be great if I could just combine the two. But clothes take time and I still have not figured out how to attach sleeves.

Continue reading “When you don’t make time for hobbies”

Feeling the Stigma

Published words have been elusive as of late. I’m not entirely sure why but I have an inkling. I’m feeling good. Not great but good. I’m feeling vulnerable and a little less confident. I’m feeling the weight of the mental health stigma and I’m shying away from putting pen to paper, err rather… fingers to keys. I’ve scribbled many starts in my countless notebooks.

Continue reading “Feeling the Stigma”

how to stop negative thinking

Negative self-talk. It’s a killer. I know I’ve been struggling lately. It happens when I put my focus on what I’m NOT doing or achieving. The change in diet has been emotional. And I am feeling like I’m constantly failing. That’s because I’m not attaining perfect execution day in and day out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach perfection in my endeavors. And I always fall short. And I’m always hard on myself. But I am working on it.
Continue reading “how to stop negative thinking”

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